21 October 2012


I am crouching on my chair. My left foot is clothed in my brother's massive work boot, my right is wearing one of my dad's work shoes. Every two seconds I look down at the floor below me, then glance at the wall just a foot and a half beyond my computer.

Because I know it's here. And I know it's still alive. Probably not even frightened.

Little bugger. It knew exactly the one location it could sit on its fat butt and taunt me with its presence yet be unreachable. It's moments like these which make me want to put 'machine gun' on my Christmas wish list. I don't care what one of those would do to the wall, I just want that thing out of here.

Oh, I've heard the stories of cockroaches. Of rats. Of tarantulas the size of dinner plates. You might say I'm being a little irrational here.

But listen, here in Alberta, the spiders get huge. Huge. And freaking terrifying.

Black, with thick legs, a good inch long (when bent!), and tiny spindly bodies which somehow makes them all the more threatening. And huge. You know that famous Alberta beef? If we ever get a shortage of cows we could move on to the spiders that grow here and no-one would be any the wiser.

And it's October. October. The spiders should all be dead. Spring is the dawn of the spiders, what the freak are they doing still hanging out in my room now? Why can't they ever go live in the bathroom or something? At least you don't sleep in the bathroom. I have to somehow manage to get to sleep tonight. And I had planned on knocking out another thirty seconds on this choreography that's almost done...

That's slightly impossible when just putting your feet on the floor -- even shod for battle -- is cause for terror. If my bed weren't a loft bed, I would definitely be sleeping upstairs tonight, I don't care how uncomfortable the couch is. As it is I doubt I'll sleep easy knowing that thing, that horrific grotesque freak of nature is still here, in this room, alive and unafraid.

My feet are falling asleep. Last I saw the enemy, it was under the desk, too far back for me to reach. Probably still hiding under there, just out of sight, just out of reach, laughing at me.

I guess I'm going to bed early tonight. Wasn't quite the motivation I was looking for though.

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