Music Day - She

Picture this.

North American Christian culture, 2003. At this time it was still a very common belief that video games of any kind were spawn of Satan himself. VeggieTales' Jonah movie was the only film that millions of Christian children had seen in theatres because all the others were demonic in some way (Harry Potter had magic, Star Wars had magic, The Lord of the Rings was simply 'too scary'...), and were you really a Christian if you didn't listen to Adventures In Odyssey every weeknight at seven o'clock?

Into this culture came a group of three women who found instant popularity with pre-teen girls with their inspiring, poppy, uplifting (in every sense of the word) melodies. Behind trendy, pop art album covers in bright purples, whites, yellows, and oranges, they sang catchy, bright songs with slick production. Were you really a Christian girl if you didn't have a ZOEgirl album in your CD wallet?

In 2003, ZOEgirl dropped their best -- sorry, third studio album, Different Kind Of Free. The pop sound had matured along with their listeners -- now solidly into their mid-teens -- and the record took on an acoustic R&B vibe (probably influenced by BeBe and CeCe Winans, Nicole C. Mullen, and Out Of Eden, who were all big names on Christian radio at the time). Even the bright colours of ZOEgirl's previous offerings were muted, with a palette of blues and greys decorating the album.

DKOF still offered uplifting, poppy lyrics in the first half of the album. The album kicked off with their trademark energetic songs of dedication to God. This is a simple goal, but difficult to execute well. Executing these well had always been ZOEgirl's strength.

But halfway through the album, the subject matter takes a wildly different turn. The electronic bass, staccato rhythm, and lower vocal register of Wait was the only warning the listeners got of the shift. It was skillfully subtle -- I doubt most people realised what Wait was about, as the topic of suicidal ideation was absolutely never touched in churches at the time -- but to those of us who knew, we knew. Those of us who already felt the cold tentacles of depression tightening around our souls and minds knew that song was for us.

In an artistic move both bizarre (given the subject matter) and necessary (given the parents of the target audience), the next song was perhaps the breeziest and most carefree song of ZOEgirl's entire career. Feel Alright was a stylistic, if less manic, throwback to Upside Down from their first album. It was also the song I skipped over the most (despite loving Upside Down when it first come out), because it was the least relatable and the least intellectually stimulating. But they had to put it there, because the following song was a doozy.

She was a slow burner for me. My best friend at the time, a year older than me and a pastor's daughter to boot, caught the significance of it immediately, but she had no way of expressing to me what she saw in her life and in the song. I found the song too slow and boring and brushed it off as album filler. But as our ways parted and I saw the absolute worst the evangelical church had to offer in the wake of my calling and my cousin's death, I began to see what she had seen... enough that when I found Daniel Amos' brilliant album Doppelgänger in 2013, I 'got it' immediately: the church of North America was extremely broken. In Doppelgänger, I could see the indictment of the church in the lyrics clearly. But ten years had passed by then, and I had forgotten about that soft little ZOEgirl song which had sharp teeth.

The other day, out of nowhere, my brain started feeding me lyrics: She's alone / Caught up in the undertow / Where it takes her no-one knows...

I started listening, and the rest of the lyrics arose from my dusty memories from over half my lifetime ago. Then I dug the track out of the bottom of my iTunes and listened to it for real.

What a ballsy song.

To release a song not only about teenage sex and pregnancy out of wedlock, but to also use that song to point the finger directly at the failings of the church on an album specifically targeted to young teenage girls would have been CCM PR suicide if not handled with kid gloves. So they tucked it in one of the 'filler' slots (it's track eight out of eleven), mellowed down the music so it wouldn't attract immediate attention, and trusted God would open the ears of those who needed to hear. My guess is that most listeners, like me, assumed it was a typical 'don't have sex before marriage' song (yes, those are a thing in CCM), and completely failed to see that they weren't placing the blame on the girl, but on the church that didn't have compassion on her.

She went to them for help

But blindly they cast the first stone

They could have taken her in

But instead they left her on her own

All alone...

And it worked. No feathers were ruffled, DKOF is still regarded as their best album, and ZOEgirl made another successful album before calling it quits.

I just... I am in awe if the finesse they needed to pull this off, especially at that time, and it worked. Nowadays critique on Christian culture in Christian music is more common (and still sorely needed), but at that time for a Christian band to make a song blaming the church instead of the girl was revolutionary. It was countercultural. It could have ended their careers. They could have been excommunicated from the church for a song like that, but they did it anyway. They hid a scathing critique in plain sight for those of us who needed the warning the most and they lived to tell the tale. And those teenagers in 2003 are now the ones calling out the hypocrisy of the evangelicals.

Maybe that's why I can never quite let this group go. I've always chalked it up to nostalgia (which is definitely a factor in my enduring love for them), but the more I listen with my jaded adult ears, the more I realise there was more to this little pop-vocal group than any of us realised.

Music Day - Sin For A Season

This song opens perhaps one of the most emotionally heavy sides of vinyl in the history of vinyl. Side two of this record dealt with adultery, drunk driving, crooked TV preachers, hypocrites, teenage runaways, abortion, suicide, and the American dream with a clarity that one will almost certainly never find elsewhere. And all of it to catchy, groovy, and creative rock.

This, the side opener, comes in with a deep, groovy, almost mournful chugging guitar and a slightly ominous synthesizer arpeggio at the appropriate times. The lyrics spin first a tale of a married man's one-night stand, then the story of a drunk woman driving toward home, but not making it unscathed... And Steve Taylor, in his pull-no-punches way, also pans the lyrical camera to the part that nobody ever talks about and the young and (temporarily) innocent never see: the regret. The months, the years of crippling, life-altering regret.
If the healing happens as the time goes by
Tell me why I still can't look her in the eye...
Now the years run together as the guilt goes wild
She still sees the body of an only child...

Coming on the heels of the mournful lines at the end of each verse, the chorus -- a repetition of the cry we all use to justify everything we do, the sort-of right and the clearly wrong -- seems so flimsy in comparison. It seems disgusting, and then to realise these are our own words on a daily basis -- I'm only human... 'nobody's perfect...' it sort of makes one catch their breath.

The third verse states his point even more bluntly, just in case we didn't get it in the first two verses. And it spells out very clearly that sometimes the Christians -- we who think we'll never fall -- are the worst perpetrators of this deception:
Gonna get the good Lord to forgive a little sin
Get the slate cleaned so he can dirty it again...

It's interesting to note the role of the hands in all three verses. The hand in the first verse with the napkin, the shaky hand in the second verse belying how inebriated she is, the hypocritical hands in the third verse carefully and stealthily chopping down the very people they claim to be building up and supporting. Our hands betray us... oh, be careful little hands what you do.

Title: Sin For A Season
Artist: Steve Taylor
Album: Meltdown
Year: 1984
Label: Sparrow Records
iTunes here; YouTube here.

Music Day

I can't add much to this song. This pretty much nails it. It's White Heart's Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Christian from the perspective of the 'heathen' -- some might call it a stroke of genius, but it's really quite a logical standpoint (in fact, it's long overdue if you ask me). While White Heart took on the subject from the perspective of another member of the church (which could easily be taken as hypocritical, especially if Rick hadn't delivered the vocal with such concern), these guys put themselves on the outside looking in. As a result, the song hits closer to home than anything White Heart could have done, and yes, it is much harsher. But with the North American church in such a disgusting state of nearly-comatose apathy, only the harshest realities can possibly wake us now.

Thanks guys. You'll get a lot of flack for this one, but we need to hear this more than we know.

Title: Dear Mr Christian (feat. Dee-1 and Lecrae)
Artist: Derek Minor
Year: 2013
Label: Reach Records
iTunes here; YouTube here. (I don't recommend watching the video on an iDevice or in a moving vehicle -- the visual concept is great and the camera work is as smooth as possible, but even watching it on a stationary computer I got rather dizzy.)

The Attack Of The College Jerk(s)

I've spent the better part of my life being ignored. One can get used to that after a while (albeit a long, long, long while in my case), but what's infuriating is when people can no longer settle for ignoring you and instead start to insult you every second chance they get, ripping out every thread of happiness you've ever had, slowly, methodically, steadily.
As if it couldn't get any worse they spend the other half of their time with you (notice I said 'every second chance' in the preceding paragraph) being quite decent friends. Not bosom buddies or anything of that sort, but fairly open and friendly-like. They probably wouldn't defend you if a robber were to get his hands on you, but they listen and they have no problem conversing with you.
Luckily, most of the worst offenders in my life are now going to college. Even better, all of the worst are going fairly far abroad -- far enough that they only return for Christmas break and then they're too caught up with family things and the few people they've somehow managed to retain as friends to bother looking for me and insulting me.
The problem is, in April they all come back for the summer and stay until September. There's three of them, although two of them seem to have really mellowed out as of late.
The third one, however -- let's call him RJ -- seems to grow more and more irritated with me every time he sees me.
This probably wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't so close to his mother and younger brother.
I can tell when he's returned from college even before he says anything on Facebook. His mother's whole attitude toward me changes when his return is drawing near. She stops talking to me, gradually distances herself; giving only vague excuses for it that mostly place the blame on her chronic illness.
I realise he's her son and she loves him more than me and wants to spend time with him, but honestly, must our friendship go through this roller coaster based on her son's location? It's not that she and I spend that much time physically together anyway, most of our contact is through e-mail.
Something just occurred to me.
So many people who know both him and me -- and there's quite a few, seeing as we attend the same church -- have said that RJ and I are very, very alike (in personality that is, not appearance). I've seen it too. His mother comments on it almost every time she sees me -- how I remind her of RJ.
So is this it then? Am I just a replacement for RJ while he's gone off to college? When he's here, is that reason enough for her to ignore me because now she has the 'real thing' living in her house again?
Or has RJ 'brainwashed' her (for lack of a better word)? Does he exercise such subliminal power even over his own mother that she has nothing to do with me as per his (possibly unspoken) wishes?
Or am I just a conspiracy theorist?

The Most Overused Phrase In The Whole Of Western Churchdom

There is one phrase that seems extraordinarily popular with Christians. It's especially popular with teens and those in their early twenties, but it's even been heard from those over fifty. I should know -- I'm what you might call an 'insider.'
This phrase appears, very convincingly, to embody the twenty-first century church's entire mission. It's the perfect foil to make the other Christians think they're actually accomplishing spiritual goals instead of putting them off. This is the phrase that signals 'I am serious about this and dang it I'm going to pull it off this time!' It's like a new year's resolution, renewed every two weeks at Bible study.
'I guess I just have to get out of my 'comfort zone.''
Everyone under thirty says it as if they're forthrightly taking responsibility for their own role in it -- 'I guess I just have to...' This makes it sound far more impressive, like you actually mean it this time.
It would be so admirable if there was actually fruit after a while.
I realise spiritual growth is a dreadfully slow and often painful process, but seriously, after four years (or more) of us attending the same Bible study; after more than four years of hearing you say this with such gravity every two weeks; I should be able to pinpoint at least one or two areas in which you have grown spiritually and at least made an attempt to step out of your 'comfort zone' a bit.
In most cases though, I still see the same person who knows all the right words, who knows all his lines by heart, whose 'I'm really going to do it this time' act is worthy of an Academy Award, but who has done nothing to even attempt stepping out of said comfort zone.
The over-thirty crowd is a bit more passive about it -- 'We all just have to get out of our comfort zones.'
'We,' of course, meaning 'everyone else does the stepping out while I sit back and point fingers when they screw up.' Self-explanatory really. Generally nobody does anything except pray in the most fervent-sounding voices possible for revival, then go back home and grumble about how this corrupt this world is and why doesn't so-and-so do something about it? They have such a talent for singing 'Christian' songs in church (heaven forbid they try for a record contract, that would make them worldly and selfish)... where only those who have made a name for themselves are worth anything.
And what of those who haven't managed to make a name for themselves? The transplants from a church that was on the verge of a split? The twelve-year-old who came along with her parents in that move and was hoping to connect with the substantial-looking youth group at this new church? Why was she rejected so soundly? Why couldn't her well-settled-in peers take even that miniscule step out of their 'comfort zones' to welcome her? Why have they not only remained snuggled down into their little 'comfort zones,' but have poked merciless fun at her as she struggles alone, desperately trying to navigate this sea of ever-morphing intertwined alliances and the dual faces of all the members? Why didn't their parents model Christian compassion and love to their children so they could help this poor kid?
And then all these Christians wonder why nobody comes to Christ.
'They've been let down and rejected their whole lives. Why don't they come to church and find Christ's love?'
Because they don't want anything to do with a God who is apparently hypocritical, cruel, and choosy about what company He keeps. After all, His 'ambassadors' are these things and much more and they're quite proud of it... while vehemently denying that they partake of anything of the sort.

Before you ask, I rarely (if ever) use the 'comfort zone' line... mainly because it's cliched, but also because I want to be able to mean it. If I'm not going to make an honest attempt at it, I'm not going to claim to. But that's just me. ~ Kate