A Prodigal Goes Home

Well I came into town alone
And I sang my songs for free
I was three years away from my home
And low down as a lowdown soul could be...

Most of you who care about this sort of thing will probably have heard this already, but in case you haven't, Loyd Boldman (vocals/keyboards/songwriting for the band Prodigal) passed away the evening of 22 April. He had struggled for several years with some serious health issues, but as I understand it, it was liver cancer that finally brought him to the end.

I'm not really sure how to react yet. I only found out about ten minutes before I started typing this post.

The hazard of liking music created in the '80s means that the artists who created it were generally born in the '50s or maybe the '60s. This means that unless Rick Florian or Terry Scott Taylor lives to be 150, I will probably outlive every one of my favourite musical artists. I will have to watch as they, one by one, vanish from the earth. I knew that, but I pushed the thought out of my head... This is the first loss from the era that I've experienced with this kind of immediacy. I was not yet born when Mark Heard passed away, I didn't hear of the Lost Dogs or Adam Again until long after Gene Eugene's passing (the same situation again regarding The Call and Michael Been), and it wasn't until about two years after Dana Key died that I really began to listen to DeGarmo and Key (though I'd known of the band since childhood).

Back to Mr Boldman.

I believe I've probably talked before about this man's incredible voice. He's right up there with Rick Florian as one of my favourite vocalists of all time. Loyd had a huge, soaring, booming voice that for all its strength could carry a sometimes unnerving amount of vulnerability as the lyrics required. Two of my favourite performances are Future Now (1985) and Neon (1984). The former is a truly dynamic performance, showcasing both the loud, booming, powerful Boldman as well as a strained near-whisper communicating as if from within the quiet fear and heavy unrest of the 'everyman'; the latter brings out a more ponderous, poetic, melancholy, hopeful, yearning Boldman.

I also have a deep love for the songs he wrote. He could be just sarcastic enough to make one think about why we think the way we do (I get my good times from a laugh track... I got my news from professional smiles...)*, he could cast something 'everyday' in an entirely different light (Bobby - quarter in the box... Buy another try to beat the clocks... Bobby - growing up scared... Wired to your own electric chair...)** and he could paint a vivid -- nay, full-on 3D -- picture with mere English (I quote here the entirety of the lyrics to Neon). The world always seems clearer to me when I'm listening to Prodigal's music, no matter which member wrote any given song (three of the four members of Prodigal wrote songs for the band). I am deeply grateful to Loyd for his part in it.

Perhaps the saddest thing about this is that hardly anybody knows he's gone. We have lost a great artist (I do not use the term lightly) -- and hardly anybody even knows that he's missing. This is perhaps the greatest tragedy.

But... Loyd's death is not a total tragedy. Loyd is now in the presence of God. His spirit is at home. Prodigal's final album, in 1985, was titled Just Like Real Life. The title cut was a somewhat sarcastic (though sobering) look at how we tend to watch TV and think that's how life really is: It's just like real life... just like real life... But I can't help but think that this life on earth in comparison with the presence of God is somewhat analogous to that song's point. Compared to the abundant life found in the presence of God, this life we live on earth is 'just like' real life... but not quite exactly.

But now Loyd is experiencing real life.

There's a freedom to me now has come
From giving myself away
And Jesus I know is the one who has changed it
And made it worthwhile some way...


(Song quotes (bookending): Prodigal and Prodigal (Part 2), both from the album Prodigal, 1982. * from Electric Eye, from the album of the same name, 1984. ** from Bobby, from Electric Eye, 1984.)

Music Day, Part II - The Traveler/Joy

It must be Easter -- I'm listening to Don Francisco. I don't know why... Don Francisco at Easter just feels 'right.' This is the influence of my father on my life. (Don Francisco is also one of the very few artists who appears to remember that Jesus was actually raised from the freaking dead. I have no trouble finding songs for Good Friday -- everyone has a song about the crucifixion. But precious few songs exist that attempt to capture the joy of the knowledge of the resurrection.)

Just imagine this song playing on vinyl, as it was originally heard. As is Don's method (especially on these earlier albums) he starts with a story (from the Bible: Luke chapter 24) put into song form, but then he segues the narrative song into an exuberant praise song. The second part of the song, the celebration, is the continuation of the story Don retells in the first part, but it's also very clearly coming from Don himself. You get the sense that he physically can't express more joy than he already is, but more joy most definitely exists, boiling fiercely just beneath the surface -- just listen to him cry out We have been redeemed!

Title: The Traveler/Joy
Artist: Don Francisco
Album: The Traveler
Year: 1981
Label: NewPax
iTunes here; YouTube here.
CD available at the artist's website here.

He is risen!

Music Day, Part I - The Twist

It's Good Friday.

I'm featuring two versions of today's song. Both are worth the money.

First is the original, the rock version. The song grabs and doesn't let go for nearly five minutes. It's relentless. The electric guitar swirls around, pushing and pulling, desperate, flailing... Hang on -- believe...

Title: The Twist

Artist: Swirling Eddies

Album: Zoom Daddy

Year: 1994

Label: Alarma Records

iTunes here; YouTube here.

And here is the heart-stopping live version. It's a completely stripped-down acoustic version. Normally I hate it when people do acoustic versions of their rock songs (I think this is the only one I don't hate), but the guys of DA are of such a high artistic caliber that they can pull it off. I love the slow build in this. You don't notice it unless you're specifically listening for it (and even then it sneaks up on you), but suddenly when the second chorus hits, you're knocked backwards -- when did the full instrumentation come in? The bare acoustic guitar at the beginning lays a velvet nest for Terry to thread a light, soft, barely-there vocal through that auditorium.

The other day I listened to this song literally six times in a row and every time I got chills at the three-minute mark. Every time. Even though I knew it was coming.

Title: The Twist

Artist: Daniel Amos

Album: Live In Phoenix

Year: 2011

Label: Independent release

Bandcamp here; YouTube here.

Lyrics (they're the same for both recordings).

Don't take this too lightly. I'm not going to get too evangelistic, but I will say this: you are either with Christ or you are not. There is no middle ground. There is no lukewarm. You don't have to be with Him, but then you must be fully aware of the fact that you're not. You cannot take both sides. You cannot walk the fence. I think the lyrics largely speak for themselves, so read them and ponder them. No matter which conclusion you come to regarding them, ponder them.

But know this: this was no phantom guest.

Music Day - When Everyone Wore Hats

I was raised in the shadow of the world of the good old days, in the farm country of Alberta -- close enough to the 'big city' to know what was happening in the world, but far enough from it to still have real neighbours, real community. The actual time of old-fashioned gentility had long passed by the time I was born, but the scent of it still lingered in our neighbourhood. I remember it, vaguely, but at the same time I knew it was lost. I lived in its ghost.

For me this song is at once a trip down memory lane and a yearning for a time I never knew. The world of the good old days. The melancholic grace of the electric guitar so perfectly captures the wistful tone of the lyrics.

Title: When Everyone Wore Hats
Artist: Daniel Amos
Album: Songs Of The Heart
Year: 1995
Label: Brainstorm Artists International/Frontline Records
iTunes here; YouTube here.

This song takes on a stronger meaning for me now, as I'm so far from home. I'm nearing the end of the semester, and I feel I can almost step into the small-town restaurant where my parents would sometimes take my sister and me for breakfast on Saturday mornings, as an occasional treat. I feel that would be the closest I could get -- the place where everyone really could wear hats and it wouldn't seem out of place.

This is really just an all-round beautiful song. It's five and a half minutes of that lovely DA blend of rock and melancholy and poetry. Perhaps one of their best.

Looking Forward To The 'Different'

I'm downloading my advance copy of the new album from The Choir as I type (Kickstarter backers only... release date is 15 April for those who missed the project). Hopefully that means we're getting an album review on this blog soon... along with Music Day... and general life...

It's really hard to update a blog when your days are all the same. All the same classes, the same routine, the same people, the same locale. I don't even get to go on excursions to a different town anymore. I do a lot of walking every day, but it's all within the same two blocks. I seriously live in a bubble here. But exams are this week (my first one is tomorrow afternoon) and I get back to Alberta most likely next Wednesday. And then... then I will have a life again. Until next September.

And then... then I will be rehearsing the Nutcracker with my 'home base' dance school. Then I will be able to see my siblings every day. Then I will be able to work with my dad and the rotating cast of armchair philosophers who help him out on the job when he needs it. Then I will be able to drive myself around at dusk (and other times of day) again. Then I will be able to make Daniel Amos and White Heart references and people will understand them because I've painstakingly educated them on why it's so darn funny. Then I will be able to eat nachos with cheese. Heck, then I will be able to eat whatever I want whenever I'm actually hungry, not just when the cafeteria happens to be open. Then I will be able to linger after church on Sunday because I actually know the people there and I can talk to them. Then I will be able to sleep in if I want because breakfast doesn't close at a certain time. Then I will be able to see the city again... to randomly pick a day to drive around with my family listening to music and looking at downtown storefronts and running errands and, if we're there late enough, to watch the streetlights come on across the city as if I'm in a modern-day Mary Poppins.

I do like it here, but it doesn't offer a lot of blog inspiration (or time). And speaking of time... I need to study for a history final. I shall post when my life has a little more variety again.

An Old Nemesis Returns... Also, Dancing

I suppose I should post something more than Music Day, huh? How about a brief and rather haphazard recap of my second semester of college?

Well, the semester started off with me feeling guilty and angry at myself and basically wanting to quit. I hated being here and I hated being away from my family. But then I started to develop some friendships here. Plus, dance class happened...

See, the college is just beginning to foray into dance classes. This semester, they were offering tap, jazz, and ballet. Of course, I registered for all three. This equals six hours of dance a week, in two three-hour chunks. I was perhaps more surprised than anyone that I can actually physically handle it (most days, anyway...).

Also, at the beginning of February I ended up in the emergency room because I couldn't breathe. Despite the fact that I was struggling even to talk for lack of air, I almost had to demand the prescription for the inhaler. Yay for The Great Canadian Health Care System.

The last week of February was a break week, so I went back home and took all the dancing back at the dance school there (which, by the way, I'm being allowed to rejoin when I get back to Alberta in mid-April so I'll be in The Nutcracker with them in June), however, on the day we were driving back to college, I developed a sore throat. No big deal, I thought. There had been a sore throat going around my family that week anyway. But by the time I went to bed in my dorm that night, I recognised all too well the unique ball-of-razor-blades-in-the-back-of-my-throat feeling. The next morning it was still there. And the next. And the next. In fact, it was nearly three days before I could finally get a ride into town to see a doctor so I could get the prescription for the antibiotics I knew I needed (the rattletrap remained in Alberta at the decree of my mother, so I couldn't drive myself). By that time, I was half-dead. I hadn't eaten (due to the agony of the mere act of swallowing) in four days, and I had two papers due. I managed to get the one done (in a rather thick Tylenol haze that did absolutely nothing to kill the pain), and I got an extension on the other. I managed not to miss any classes, but every second that I wasn't in class or in the cafeteria trying desperately to eat something, I was socked out on my bed. Last time I had strep throat, I was able to live a normal life (except I couldn't swallow a blessed thing), but this time it completely wiped me out. I have never been so tired in my entire life as I was for that week and a half.

So due to spending a week and a half dying of strep throat, I got behind on a 2500-word paper and memorising the entire book of Ephesians -- both due on the same day. The latter project was worth 50% of the course grade (hey, it is a Bible college...). I'll spare you the gory details, but let's just say I'm bracing myself to fail two courses this semester.

Also, I have a (completely unrelated) word of advice for you all: never get shin splints. They hurt like heck. And I can't even really complain too much about shin splints because at least I can eat through the pain of shin splints... you can't eat through the pain of strep throat. But back to my word of advice: if you do get shin splints, never ever ever run on an uneven cobblestone sidewalk. Even if you're late for choir. Don't do it. I did last Wednesday and I'm still paying for it a week later.

This weekend is performing weekend around here: dance rehearsal on Friday, choir rehearsal and dance show on Saturday, choir performance on Sunday. Yesterday was the last day of dance classes... I didn't know that till I got there. I thought there was going to be one more, but alas...

It's funny how the world seems to stop when the dancing is gone. It's only temporary -- by the end of the month I'll be rehearsing Nutcracker in Alberta -- but dancing seemed different here. Maybe it was the group of people, maybe it was the fact that it was six hours a week (in Alberta I'm usually only taking maybe two and a half hours a week because that's all the courses at my level that the school offers), maybe it was the fact that I learnt so much about myself and where my weaknesses (and strengths) are as a performer, maybe it was because I was doing more than just ballet. But it was different -- I don't know if 'richer' is the right word for it because the dance school I'm at in Alberta has a very rich community as well, but here in Saskatchewan there was a different feel to the whole experience. Maybe it was learning how to work with a completely new group of people. I've been with the school back home for over five years, so we're all pretty close friends already. To have to learn to 'read' a totally new group is a bit of a challenge because you can't coast into it (I mean, not that I would ever do that back home, of course... *cough*). I don't know. Basically what I'm trying to say is the fact that it's basically over is making me immensely sad and I miss it already. A bunch of people from the dance classes here at college are either moving, graduating, or changing plans and not coming back next year, so that means that we will never again be all in the same group, dancing together. Back home everyone comes back to the school every year (you might lose one person every couple of years), but not here... dance doesn't consume most of these people like it does me. Their lives go on. But mine kind of stops when the dancing does. It's like the breath is snatched away. Maybe that's why I need to do choreography so much -- it's a way of dancing, even if it's just mentally, and I need that. I don't know why... I just do.

I will update on the choreography side of things later, when I have more time (because despite all odds, I've actually completed almost three dances this year and sketched out lots and lots of others). Right now, though, I need to go to bed, and I also have to somehow manage a 2500-word paper over this performing weekend. Then finals, but as long as I study, I should be okay. (Famous last words...)

Music Day - Only Jesus

This album (along with David Meece's 7) was the soundtrack to my life when I was eleven/twelve years old. I happened across it again while organising my iTunes library (and by that I mean procrastinating on two papers).

I always thought Betsy's voice was so sweet, and to hear it again is like a soothing balm to my frazzled soul (see above parenthetical regarding academic papers, plural). These songs communicate nothing if not 'everything is going to be okay.' Yeah, okay, so maybe they were a REALLY inoffensive blend of Maranatha! singers and Second Chapter of Acts in the mid-eighties to boot, but this stuff has a simplistic beauty to it. Betsy's lead vocals are saturated with childlike faith, and that's what makes this group so darn endearing. (Plus, you know, ethereal synthesizers.) If the members of ABBA had been Christians, this is what they would have sounded like.

Now that I actually know a thing or two about music and singing (specifically, harmonising), I'm a lot better able to understand how intricate this group really was. When I was eleven, I had never even heard of the concept of harmonization. I never really thought about why this group always sounded so rich and full -- I just assumed that since there were two ladies singing, it sounded like that. Turns out I was partly right, but I never would have figured out the whole 'harmony' thing. Betsy Hernandez may be the sweet voice in the front, but Patty Gramling really held this together, lent Betsy the strength.

I could pick any song from this album. This particular song has always seemed like the perfect seventh track on an album -- it's not radio-friendly enough to be on the first side, and it's not edgy enough to bring in the second side. But it's not the graceful perfect cadence (or hard-hitting rocker) to close out an album either. It's that unexpected sliver of a sunbeam on the second side, where you don't usually expect much, but then something graceful and soaring rises out of the vinyl. How fitting that the lyrics explore bird imagery.

Title: Only Jesus
Artist: Silverwind
Album: By His Spirit
Year: 1985
Label: Sparrow Records
iTunes here; YouTube here (yes, it says 1986. I own the vinyl, which says 1985. So there).


In other news: Prodigal (who longtime readers of this blog may know as the creators of the FANTASTIC song Future Now) is releasing not one, not two, but ALL THREE of their amazing albums on CD later this year. Rest assured that I will be spamming this blog with the website information once I have it. For now, be aware that you need this album in your life. Even if you never buy a White Heart album (though you should do that too), you should at least buy Prodigal's Electric Eye. It is a work of art. Full stop.

Music Day - Casual Christian

DeGarmo and Key wrote a couple of great commitment anthems, but this is perhaps their best. And if not, it's at least my favourite.

Title: Casual Christian

Artist: DeGarmo and Key

Album: Commander Sozo & The Charge Of The Light Brigade

Year: 1985

Label: PowerDiscs

iTunes here; YouTube here, live video here.

Dana Key's vocals are always so heartfelt and passionate, and the chorus just soars. Plus, keyboards.

'Cause I want to light up the night
With an everlasting light
I don't want to live a 'casual Christian' life...

Music Day - Sanctuary

Having been a DA fan for a year now (it was a year last week), having at least listened to all of their catalogue (excluding the self-titled debut), and experienced the shades of their work amplified by/contrasted with the work of the Swirling Eddies, Terry Scott Taylor's solo/production work, and the Lost Dogs (it was a really expensive year), I think I can whittle down the list of DA songs to a (slightly) smaller list of personal favourites.

Certainly, storied cuts like Hollow Man and The Double appear high on the list, as well as the epic and soaring Dig Here Said The Angel, the infectious Darn Floor - Big Bite, the stunning When Worlds Collide, and the haunting Pictures Of The Gone World. (And, you know, pretty much everything else they've ever recorded.)

But I think this one may be my favourite Daniel Amos song of all time. (At least until their next album.)

I suppose this album came at the right time of my life. It was just starting to sink in just how drastically my life was about to change. The depression that had been lying dormant in my soul for two years saw its chance to get its hands round my neck again. In times like this, I need two things: humour, and to brood. Vox Humana provided both. Songs like (It's The Eighties, So Where's Our) Rocket Packs, Home Permanent, and Dance Stop made me smile, if only at their ability to turn a phrase, while songs like William Blake, When Worlds Collide and Sanctuary were soothing, poetic, and deep, with a touch of melancholy to keep them grounded.

Sanctuary in particular has made an indelible impact on my life. Sanctuary is the only song to which I have choreographed a dance, yet every time I hear it I get this intense desire to choreograph it again. It is that captivating. Sanctuary is the song that takes me back to that still, open summer night in Alberta when I think I really heard this song for the first time -- the night that the first choreographic puzzle piece fell into place (developpé kick, step side and back attitude turn). It was another solo drive home from town as the indigo sky stretched out above me and the poplar tree stands faded back into shadows, as the summer night dew fell on the grass and the last sounds of the frogs and crickets echoed through the ravine near our house. I remember imagining what it would be like to dance this beneath the velvet sky with the moist grass rustling under my feet. That's still what I think of when I hear this song.

Title: Sanctuary
Artist: Daniel Amos
Album: Vox Humana
Year: 1984
Label: Refuge Records
iTunes here; YouTube here.
Buy the album from DA's website here. (You'll have to scroll a bit to find it -- look for the yellow album cover. I've purchased through the site several times now and the service has always been great.)

Sit back. Close your eyes. Let this swirl around you, sink into your mind. The final minute, when they finally release up into the sky all the brooding tension that's been building for the previous five minutes, is perhaps one of the most beautiful passages of music ever recorded.


Should the stars get in your eyes tonight
Remember
Remember
Love


Should you come into the promised land
Remember
Remember
From where you came

And if your greatest fears are realised
Remember
Remember
Your sanctuary

The Invisible One

Even as a child, I was both shy and a perfectionist. Since I wasn't about to attract attention by being outrageous and I tried so hard to do everything perfectly, I was really only noticed when I did something wrong, and when that happened, I was noticed long enough for the chew-out and then dropped after that. Then in my teens, in the church youth group, they all ignored me. I was the definition of 'wallflower.' Even when I would try to insert myself into a conversation, they would just look over my head and keep right on talking to each other as if I had never made a sound.

When people ignore you that steadfastly for that long, you start to believe that you actually are invisible (in a 'if-I-close-my-eyes-you-can't-see-me' sort of way) and nothing you say or do matters anyway -- at least, not in a good way. You start to believe that invisibility, unobtrusiveness, is a skill to be prized and defended with your life and if anybody notices you, you must be doing something Incredibly Annoying and therefore they probably hate you for making their lives more difficult by being one more person they have to look at. You make yourself smaller and smaller, shrinking down, shrinking in, trying desperately not to get in anybody's way while at the same time desperately needing them to see you and tell you they care... I've always had this struggle of wanting to be noticed and liked, but not wanting to be noticed -- the logic being if I'm noticed, it must be because I'm being Incredibly Annoying or in someone's way.

All that preamble is so that I can say this: One of the strangest things about being at college is the fact that people talk to me.

Sure, people back home talk to me too, but you get the sense that a lot of them really only do it because they have to... because I live in their house and go to their church. But at college, I can walk down a hallway and have three people -- people I don't even hang out with or know outside of class -- smile and greet me by name. This sounds so minor, but it's so weird. I fully expected to be a number here. This is college, after all... this is a big place and everybody's busy. Nobody knows anybody's name in high school, never mind college... right?

Apparently this is not the case. This is a rather small school (by post-secondary standards), but still -- there's five hundred students here. And it's not just the students -- the profs will greet me by name in the hallways or at church (when you're in a Bible college town, you see profs at church). I mean, the profs! These people see how many faces in just one day -- the fact that they remember mine blows my mind. And even people who I swear I've never seen before in my life... they'll sit down beside me at the cafeteria, greet me by name, and ask how I'm doing. It's so weird. How is it that my face stands out to anybody as recognisable? Before college, I can't remember the last time anybody called me by name and was genuinely glad to see me (aside from three particular friends at my home church). But on the first day back at college after Christmas break, I had at least three people come up and hug me and say they were so happy to see me again. People don't tell me these things back home. I'm lucky to get asked if I could clean out the dishwasher before supper.

It's hard to know what to do with this. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate being noticed and -- dare I say? -- accepted. But what do you do when suddenly you are no longer invisible and people know your name? I've been invisible for so long that I got used to being invisible. It became something that defined me. I could always hide behind this cloak of apparent invisibility if the world got to be too much for me. I can't do that here. Half the college knows me. I do enjoy it, but I'm really at a loss how to respond.

Is this what life is really like? If so... I could get used to it...