At the moment, I have just started choreographing the final number of the show. Everything else is fully choreographed.
But the biggest news is that I have the first two and a half pieces of the show fully memorised.
I won't rehash all my psychoanalysing, read the last two posts for that. But what seems to have been the breakthrough for me so far is telling myself that memorising is not a shameful thing and I deserve to give memorising just as much time and care and attention as actually choreographing. Somehow that shifted my mindset. It was almost as if I had to give myself permission to memorise.
It's still hard, but I'm dreading it less. Now that I've fully memorised two pieces and am into a third, I have the tiniest bit of momentum on my side too. I have something to throw back at the monster within when it screams at me that I'll never be able to do this -- oh yeah? Well I already have -- twice. While that doesn't silence the monster, it does muffle it for a few minutes at least -- enough to review the choreography to reassure myself that yes, I do in fact know it.
I feel a lot better about filming this show in roughly two weeks than I did even a few days ago.
Next stop on the fear train? Contacting people about renting their venue for filming.
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