21 February 2022

Hopeless

I spent $100 on groceries today.

You know what I got?

Apples, onions, liver (the cheapest protein available), milk, yogurt, granola, bread, and cheese. The only reason it will feed us until next paycheque is because we already have some hamburger, noodles, and potatoes at home. And even then, my husband and I have both been going hungry. If I didn't work in a fast food establishment where we receive meal coupons, I wouldn't have had lunch at all last week.

I do not yet have gas in my van, and it's been at empty for a week. I walk to work, but I still need the van for going across town for errands.

I had been hoping to set aside $100 in savings this paycheque. Just a hundred dollars. Most of that went into the groceries just now.

We want to move to a town that's less in the middle of nowhere. I have absolutely zero support system here outside of my husband, and he's not well enough to support me alone. I'm trying so hard to be strong for him, but I look at the bank account and I look at our cupboards and I look for support and I'm burning out at work and I can't see any hope anywhere.

We're both pulling in pretty close to full-time income each, in a province with a $15/hr minimum wage -- which, we're told, is scandalously high. And that is not enough to keep two adult humans adequately fed and put even a quarter tank of gas in their vehicle. If my husband's benefits didn't cover 90% of our meds, we would be dead now.

Maybe it would be better for us if we were.

No comments: