The Drafts Of Yester-Decade

Recently I went way back into my blog drafts folder... and I mean way back. I often scroll back about 2-3 years, but this time I went all the way back to the very beginning, to the first couple of posts I wrote back in 2010 and never published... probably for the first time since I wrote them.

There was a lot of little stories of my life written there that I had forgotten about. And in a way those made me sad. I knew I was a brighter, happier person then, but reading these posts has put into sharp contrast just how much Brittney's and my cousin's deaths destroyed who I used to be... and who I wanted to be.

I still miss that person.

The other day I contacted an old college friend who I haven't spoken to since 2020, when I was banned by my in-laws from anything I used to do or to be. I've been getting tired of being locked in the prison of my own mind, and I'm starting to rebel. I've volunteered for a local theatre. I'm starting to listen to music again. I'm starting to text people back. I'm starting to read the Bible and watch church services again.

I want my life back.

That may never happen. In September, I sustained a back injury at work, and seven months later, it is causing more issues than it did the week it first happened.

I have not yet brought up the subject of future dance endeavours with my physiotherapist. They know I have a history of dance, but they haven't asked for details, and I haven't mentioned it. I haven't needed to -- there are still no dance opportunities here anyway.

I am a different person now than I was fourteen years ago, but I'm not convinced it's a good thing. Perhaps I made some decisions that looked stupid -- but honestly, I made those decisions from a place of deep trust, and I never felt more free and 'whole' than I did back when I was living out on a limb every day of my life.

The freedom and joy in those old posts are palpable, even after sitting on a dusty server somewhere for well over a decade. I have not felt that since before my uncle left my aunt in January 2015. I was 21 years old.

All these tragedies I never asked for ate up all the best years of my life. My body was a well-oiled machine, and my mind was sharp and quick. But it was all wasted as I spent those years drowning in an endless ocean of grief. Now the grief has dulled, but both my body and my mind are no longer what they were. I wasted all of that potential, all those years... on something that wasn't even my fault and was completely beyond my control. It's so unfair. It's so unfair.

I'll never be able to get those years back.

Music Day

I haven't posted anything in over a week. Can you tell I'm coming off a creative-deadline month? Right now I'm at that crash point where I don't want to do anything creative -- no writing, no choreography, no photography, no nothing, just sit and... I don't even know what. Listen to music and daydream about the next fantastic piece of choreography, mostly.

I re-discovered this song a couple weeks ago when it was played on classicchristian247.com. I didn't really pay attention to the lyrics at the time, but I remembered the tune from my childhood. That soaring vocal in the chorus...

So I went to iTunes and holy crap, they actually have it available!

Before I buy a song, I Google the lyrics -- even if it's a 'Christian' song. Labeling your song a 'Christian' song is a really fantastic way to indoctrinate Christian music fans with all sorts of hackneyed and questionable-at-best theology. Most Christians won't pay attention to the content, and even if they did, most of us don't read our Bibles enough to have a hope of spotting the errors (at best) or blatant lies about the Lord (at worst). You can never be too careful.

So anyway, I Googled the lyrics and as I'm reading them I'm silently screaming, 'Yes! Yes! Yes!'

This is exactly the song we should make our anthem, especially here in Canada. Because despite what our national anthem says, we are no longer truly free. And we are just sitting here on our lazy butts and taking it!

Now, I'm not really a fan of this band. I can only take the lead singer's voice for about ten minutes before I go find something else (*cough* Rick Florian). But this song is spot-on. These guys got it.

And it would do this planet a world of good of a lot more people got it too.

Title: For Future Generations

Artist: 4Him

Album: The Ride

Year: 1994

Label: Benson Records

iTunes here; YouTube here.

I won't bend and I won't break

I won't water down my faith

I won't compromise

In a world of desperation

What has been I cannot change

But for tomorrow and today

I must be a light

For future generations...

Reeling...

I don't know what to say. My heart is heavy as I type.

We are now under a Nazi government.

Start a firestorm in the comments if you like, but you mark my words. If nothing changes, if God sees fit to leave us as Albertans in our depravity... I shudder at the thought. They have clearly stated that they will indoctrinate our children (can you say 'Hitler youth'?) and those children will grow up to lead our country in thirty years.

How shall they lead a country when all they have been taught -- all they will ever know -- are the perverted whims of a power-hungry, family-destroying, disrespectful government?

In fact, even now it is happening. I see this indoctrination in otherwise very intelligent and rational people.

The enemy does not lie in wait at our door anymore, he is already inside.

And yet we sleep...



Please, Christian brothers and sisters around the world, pray for us. We who see what's coming are despondent today -- speechless. This is a terrible blow. We are disillusioned and weakened by the shock and yet in the near future we will have to fight harder than I think any of us alive today have ever fought to hang on to our freedom. Please pray for our government to be transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit, that we will be strong in the face of what appears to be swift and inevitable persecution, and especially that we would be faithful in praying for you as you have and will so lovingly pray for us.

Kicking Things Up A Notch... Again

Even after the rally on 5 March which boasted an attendance of approximately five hundred people (rather good considering there's almost no parking at the Legislature and it was the only cold-ish day we've had all 'winter'), the Premier of Alberta and the Minister of Education refuse to hear our concerns and continue to only patronise and mock us. (Odd that; considering nearly all of Alberta is against this thing by now -- I hear that even a few MLAs have said outright they won't run for this party again because of this.)

As such, there's going to be another rally at the Alberta Legislature in Edmonton on 19 March (details here). This time it's put on by the HSLDA -- the Homeschool Legal Defence Association of Canada. (The last rally was from the Alberta Home Educating Association -- the province-wide people, in other words. The HSLDA are the proverbial 'big guns' here.)

This is a big deal. The president of the HSLDA is flying out here from London for this.

We need thousands of people to be there on Monday, starting at 10.30 am. (The main bit of the rally is slated to take place at twelve noon.)

Apparently the Bill could, if the hearts of the Premier and the Education Minister continue to be hardened, pass into law as early as Tuesday, the 20th of March. We cannot let this happen.

If you are anywhere even semi-close to Alberta, please consider making the trip out here and joining me and my family and friends in the several thousand. Take the day off work if at all possible, drive several hours if that's how long it'll take you to get here. Invite as many people as you can... this concerns all present and future parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings -- not just homeschoolers.

Our freedom, and more importantly our children's freedom -- perhaps yours as well, depending where you live -- depends on this. We would be so encouraged if you could come and support us in this.

But whether you can physically join us on Monday or not, we ask that you please pray. The same God who put the mountains in place six thousand years ago, the same God who breathed the sun into existence, the same God who holds the entire universe in the span of His hand at this very moment is the same God who hears us pray today. Let us not grow weary in working to bring the glory of His name to the next generation of children.

To get up to speed on the situation, read AHEA's blog here and the HSLDA's blog here (note that the post on the HSLDA site labeled 'HSLDA Launches Appeal To Supreme Court' is about an unrelated case, but almost everything else on there right now deals with the situation in Alberta).

There are also information sessions to be held in both Calgary and Edmonton on Saturday the 17th -- details on the event page.

Apologies that this has suddenly become a political sort of blog. (I'm not that much of a nerd, honest!) However, I think the freedom of my country for future generations is an issue of paramount importance -- especially since that 'future generation' may well include children of my own and if/when I do have children, I want the freedom to raise them as I see fit.